RSV Adventure

This adventure in motherhood has not been a good one and I am still in the midst of it. It has been scary, frustrating, sad, and horrible. I've never felt so scared as when Grace stops breathing and turns blue. She is so tiny and so frail and this has just been a very terrifying week. Today she seems to be a little better, and last night was pretty peaceful. I am hoping she is beginning to kick this and we can start weaning her off of the oxygen. I love my kids so much and it hurts my heart to see my little one with tubes in her nose and struggling for air. This experience has made me want to keep both of my kids in a bubble to protect them from any germs and sickness. Though I am still exhausted and running on low sleep I got a little more sleep last night while Josh stayed up with Grace. I am sure I could sleep because the nights are getting less eventful and I know I would hear her if she began to choke, but as tired as I am, I cannot bring myself to sleep because I am so scared she might stop breathing and I wouldn't hear her. I am scared of losing her if I sleep. There is no way I could have done this without my friend, Naomi and my mom. They have given and sacrificed to help in any way they can and comforted me and I am eternally grateful and incredibly blessed to have them. I am also thankful for the doctors and nurses and the oxygen company that have given so much of their time to come by and check Gracie at my request and listen to me on the phone. I appreciate the peace of mind they have given me in a time of uncertainty. Mercy has also been so good. I love her so much. She looks and acts so much like me. I love to watch all of the new things she does and says...she is developing and learning so much so quickly! I am so glad I worked so hard the previous weeks getting the house organized. Surprisingly it has stayed somewhat clean during this time! I have straightened it up everyday and kept it clean. I love living in a clean house and keeping it clean is becoming a habit. I never though I would get this far in my organizing and cleaning efforts. I am incredibly tired of the weather, though. The rain, rain, rain, wind, rain, cold...and it gets to me at times. But in moments of depression, I have been able to keep myself occupied with the kids, cleaning, and making a wallet (Which I still need to finish now that things are slowing down). I am also excited because I am getting a treadmill today! One more thing to work on to better my life! I plan to really get in shape! I am hoping that this next week the weather will be good and we can get outside and do somethings if Grace is better. Its yardsale season and I LOVE going to yardsales even if I don't really buy anything or only have a few dollars. But, again, this is all depending on the horrible weather and whether or not it decides Craig, Co has had enough (which I feel we have had enough rain to last YEARS). I would really like to take Mercy to the carnival this weekend to see the lights and everything if Grace is better and of course if its not raining. I think she would enjoy some of the rides and I know she would definately love some cotton candy (IF I decide to share, its my favorite thing EVER!) Well thats about all of my thoughts for the day. Laundry time!